dream

i was awaken at around 4am. i woke up feeling lacking.

i think it was due to my dream. i was on the verge of seeing the face of my new partner, my new love interest. when the person was about to look around and i would be able to discern the face, i suddenly got awaken. by what i don't know. to think i haven't even realized yet what the gender is. it made me sigh. knowing the gender would somehow make it easier for me to be on the look out ;> so i'd know if i should be expecting a woman or a man.

they said that dreams are the manifestations of your wishes or fears. i do hope that that particular dream was not of fear. i don't wanna fear love. love is beautiful. so it's probably a wish. that i am wishing to find a new love. so easy to say ;> finding a new love. but i guess, so hard to do. thing that frustrates me is, i don't even know the gender. what am i now? am i still a lesbian or was i really heterosexual, i just got lost for a while? i don't really know. the last relationship i had was with a woman, for almost 7yrs. i thought it was gonna last til my forever but well, apparently not. now, when i think of dating a woman, i cringe. when i think of dating a man, i cringe even more.

so im probably not ready yet to even be thinking of dating. after all, i (the leaf) just left the tree and no gust of wind forced me to do it.